


Garden Rose

by Dangerlove12



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: Ableist Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-12 06:46:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4469330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dangerlove12/pseuds/Dangerlove12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ficlet about suzanne warren w/ s2 spoilers (auish in that the garden rose line happens sometime before s2, because i cant stand vee but i love that line) trigger warnings: ableist language, abuse, blood, violence</p>
            </blockquote>





	Garden Rose

_“NO! I CAN’T DO IT, MOMMY!”_

It’s graduation all over again when it’s time for her to sing at the Christmas play. She rehearsed her lines over and over, singing them to herself while she mopped the bathroom floors, hummed them to herself when she sat at the lunch table alone (not really alone, but as much as everyone around her had talked to her like a person, she might as well have been), and even tacked them on to the end of her prayers when she went to sleep. She was so ready. She was so ready. And then the piano cued and the spotlight hit her, and she is seventeen years old again and all those faces are looking at her expecting something so beautiful she knows she has, but she can’t get it out. Mommy’s watching.

And singing comes from a mouth that is not hers, and everyone is so proud, and she is just **BAD** _*smack*_ **BAD** _*smack*_ **BAD** _*smack*_ **B** \--until Taystee grabs her hand to stop her from punishing herself and she can be calm enough to enjoy the music. Because someone cared enough to grab her hand. Someone cared enough to tell her she’s not bad. 

She finds her voice again after the show and she’s so excited because even Jesus can hear her now, and she wants to share this joy this happiness this LIGHT with everyone and she rocks infant Jesus in her arms as she sings upon Maritza and Flacka, and all of a sudden everything goes dark. Not black--she’s had that before and this isn’t it--but it’s dark enough that things blur as she _*smacks*_ her head **STUPID** _*SMACKS*_ **STUPID** _*SMACK*_

She hits her head over and over, just like Mommy taught her when her thoughts weren’t right.   
And she’s walking, walking, **_NO RUNNING SUZANNE_** , walking to get fresh air **_STAY WHERE I CAN SEE YOU_** and she sees Dandelion and **_GET BACK HERE NOW_** Pennsatucky no it’s Mommy and Grace and Mommy’s hitting Grace over and **_PLEASE STOP MOMMY_** over and she could never stop Mommy **_GO TO YOUR ROOM_** before because no one ever believes her it must’ve been your imagination, sweetie. you know how your mind plays tricks on you. but this time its different. This time she doesn’t ask for permission to stop the hurt cause last time it was too late. 

She’s screaming and her hand hurts and 

**“NO MORE!”**

and she could’ve sworn she was talking to her mom but Dandelion got in the way.


End file.
